Is Your Online Persona Authentic?

If you pay close attention, you will notice that your social networking friends have online personalities. Some are witty, some are “in the know”—always sharing the latest and most interesting news, some are opinionated, some are quiet, some are vain, some are overbearing, some are religious, some are clueless and so on.

How would you describe your online personality? Or how do you think others might describe it?

To be frank, sometimes social networking feels like high school all over again—comparisons of who's smarter, funnier, cuter, improved, more successful…you name it.

Sometime ago I reconnected with an old friend from high school. I was really excited talking to this friend over the phone. Being an email person, I asked if the friend was into emailing or social networking. Apparently my friend keeps up to date with old friends through their spouse’s social networking account but didn’t have a personal one. When I suggested creating a personal account, my friend responded, “I’m not ready to do it yet.”

However, reflecting on our phone conversation afterward, I remembered how my friend kept talking about weight gain and aging and had a somewhat negative tone when referring to other childhood friends. That led me to wonder why my friend wasn't feeling “online-ready” just yet. Was my friend afraid that they would be judged harshly by others or was it more of an internal judgment?

It is a fact that nostalgia plays a big role in reconnecting with someone from the past but I believe that social networking should be about reconnecting as who we are today and moving our friendships forward; understanding of course that starting with a clean slate (when there’s already a lot of history) is always harder said than done. But it is what it is---so move on.

Your online persona should be an extension of who you are. There should be no waiting until all is perfect or pretending that all is perfect---because there is no such thing. Authenticity always shines through and works out the best. Be who you truly are and have fun with it.

Happy social networking!

Requirement: Must Love Job

For as long as I can remember, it has been general knowledge that majority of workers do not “love” their jobs. However, they need their jobs and therefore tolerate them in order to make a living. In these tough economic times like we are experiencing, one would think that this phenomenon would even get worse because good wage earning jobs are not plentiful as they use to be. In fact, many studies have found just that—with massive layoffs and cutbacks in the job market, workers are overworked, underpaid, unhappy, feel stuck in undesirable positions and are constantly on the lookout for better opportunities.


Knowing all this, I was flabbergasted when I heard a respected radio station do a show on job search strategies with a somewhat unusual approach—people who land job opportunities are those who are engaging, enthusiastic and demonstrate how badly they want the job. One HR personnel even shared how there were times when she had applicants not show up for second interviews, have bad attitudes or simply not respond to a job offers.

Really? Hmm... what could it be? Could it be that they are way over-qualified and are certain that they would be bored out of their minds in that position after about one week on the job? Oh, how about this—maybe the candidate was a friend of a friend who really didn't want the job in the first place? Just saying...

What is the new average time it takes for people unemployed to get a job? Research shows anywhere from 7.5 months and greater, with an average of 6 job seekers competing for every job opening. Of course research shows that it is even worse for populations considered to be “disadvantaged.” Speaking to that, I know of people who have been looking for work for about two years now. The bottom line is that it is taking an awful long time to find suitable jobs that meet personal satisfaction.

So, call me crazy but I think recruiters should know better. Do they know what marathons most candidates have to run before getting a “door” finally opened? Please give people a break to catch their breath! There are many ways to evaluate a candidate than their seemingly “love” for the job. Seriously.

Okay, so while I'm seething over all this talk about job seekers not enthusiastic enough to meet recruiters' precious expectations, out of nowhere my boss asked me if I am enjoying my new “part-time position,” which I had had for about a “moment.” The question was so unexpected that I was slow to answer. I don't even remember what I said—it wasn't yes or no. I think I said something like I'm getting the hang of it. Not very long after that conversation, a co-worker who had somehow learned about it, came back to me and said that my boss might be a bit worried that I may not like my job! Really?

What ever happened to “effectively meeting the expectations of the job requirements in a timely manner?” Since when did loving your job become a requirement for hire?

Sign of the times? Go figure!

Are you an avoider when it comes to trying new technology?

When I hear people swear off social media and vow never to join or be sucked into it, I literally cringe. I've heard every excuse from it's just so dumb to concerns about jeopardizing their privacy. I always have one question for them—do you use a credit card to purchase anything? If yes, I rest my case—it's already out there honey. People can ignore social media all they want but it doesn't look like it will be going away any time soon. Every time I run into someone like that, I can't help but remember my experience with my first cell phone.


I got my first cell phone in 1994. At the time, none of my immediate friends had cell phones or were even considering getting one. During those days, (at least among my circle of friends) a cell phone was definitely considered a luxury. I got the phone through a special offer program from my employer and being a single female at the time, I was sold on the fact that I would have immediate access to a phone in the case of an emergency. My biggest fear was having my car breakdown on the highway in the middle of nowhere, especially in the dead of winter or in a snow storm. Well luckily for me, none of those things happened but soon I was starting to think that I was throwing money away until the incident that made me a believer.


Someone referred me to a hair braider who lived on the outskirts of town—somewhere where I had not ventured on my own before. Anyway, I drove to the address without getting lost so I was feeling great until I noticed that the apartment building buzzer was broken and I couldn't call my hair braider to let me in. For a few minutes, I figured my only choice other than driving back home was to sit in my car (it was during the wintertime) and watch for someone either coming out or going in and then tag-along.


After a few minutes of waiting, I suddenly remembered that I had my cell phone in my purse with the braider’s phone number! I quickly dialed the number, she answered and came downstairs and let me in! I will never forget that moment—it is as fresh in my mind as if it just happened yesterday. That was the moment I became convinced that having a cell phone made a lot of sense not only for emergency situations but for every day occurrences. Whenever I find myself hesitating about trying out a new technology, I always remember this experience.


My suggestion to anyone avoiding new media technology is to give it a try—but you have to do more than just signing up and saying that you have an account. Really give it a try by doing your very best to observe and interact with others in the network. If you do, you will get a chance to experience what everyone's all worked up about. And you will find that if used appropriately, it doesn’t hurt one bit.

It's a New Year-- are you going to be proactive, reactive or inactive?

Individuals can learn a great deal from organizations. In the world of Public Relations, an organization can decide to be one of three things when it comes to relationship-building with key audiences upon which its success or failure depends: it can choose to be proactive, reactive or inactive.

In a proactive PR setting, the organization has a mission, vision and a plan to put things out there (share information), be responsive and craft a certain brand. There is no leaving-it-to-chances about proactive PR. In fact, there's even anticipation of things that might go wrong and what the response will be in each situation. Everything is orchestrated down to the “wire” and they have the appropriate resources to back it up. At the end of the day/period, they evaluate their plan to see how they did against the plan and make any needed adjustments.

In a reactive PR setting, the organization operates as usual but has no plan to share information to shape its public image or brand. However, the only real plan in place is to galvanize into action if something unexpectedly negative happens. Of course in the meanwhile the organization is hoping that nothing bad happens. It operates on a wait-and-see plan and then react in the best way possible as the situation allows. A sort of “we will cross that bridge when we get there” attitude.

In an inactive PR setting, the organization operates as if it is on an island by itself. It hopes that if something gets out of hand, that thing will eventually fix itself or disappear. It pays no mind to what's going in its environment and generally has a “whatever will be will be”attitude.

Did you know that in a way you are an organization? Yes, you are! You the CEO of the (insert name here ) Organization.

So it's a new year and a somewhat new slate. When it comes to the things upon which your success or failure depends, what would your approach be? Are you going to be proactive, reactive or inactive?

Day Off

I have a day off from work
and there is a long list of things that I could do.

1. Do the pile of dirty laundry
2. Fold the clean clothes and put them away
3. Mob the floors and vacuum the rugs
4. Pick up toys, socks, clothes, shoes, books and straighten up rooms
5. Sort through closets, draws, boxes and give away items to the less fortunate
6. Clean the refrigerator and wash the dishes
7. Scrub the bathrooms
8. Go to the farmers' market and buy ingredients to make a delicious African dish for my family to come home to
9. Read and sort the mail and pay bills
10. Go running and catch up on my exercise
11. Sew and put up curtains in the dinning room
12. Update my social networking sites and read my emails
13. Call family and friends in distant lands and different time zones
14. Shop for new furniture
15. Catch up on weeding the garden and watering the pants
16. Get a head-start on the book that has been lurking inside my head for a couple of years
17. Look up a plumber to fix the slow drain and leaking faucet
18. Shop for a Sunday clothes for the children
19. Shop for a blue professional suit that I really need
20. Make a list and go grocery shopping
21. Put the bulletin boards and wall decorations up in the children's rooms
22. Write up the minutes and finish the newsletter for my women's club
23. Call the pstor to start working on the PowerPoint document for Sunday's church service
24. Take out my braids while watching a movie or two
25. Go window shopping at the mall
26. Call my husband to meet-up for lunch
27. Catch up on reading my library books that are coming due very soon
28. Write an entry for my blog
29. Go back to bed and catch up on my beauty rest

But none of my long list of things sounds appealing to me
so instead...


I will put on my walking shoes
and go for a long walk in the woods
where it is quiet and the energy of nature is awesome.


There, I will listen to the birds sing and the streams run
watch the trees and plants dance in the wind
and little creatures dash in and out of tall grasses.


There, I will sit on my favorite big rock
slip off my shoes and dip my feet in the cool running stream
and relish the peace and quiet---one of my very favorite things to do.


After all, that's what days off are for
doing your very favorite things.

Plug Away the Bad and Ugly so that the Beauty will Shine Through

A beautiful garden doesn't just happen out of nowhere, it takes a diligent gardener working to keep it that way throughout the growing season. That means visiting the garden often, staying on top of weeding, feeding or fertilizing, pruning, watering and doing all the things required to keep it beautiful. Once the hard work is done, the gardener and everyone in sight of the garden can then enjoy its beauty.


The same is true for developing positive attitude and beliefs about oneself and toward others, something I continue to work at. Giving people the benefit of the doubt and trusting that they are coming from an honest place has been the hardest for me, although I’m gradually making progress. I suspect that my struggle has something to do with having been raised in a culture where everyone's highly suspicious and distrustful.


I know people who wouldn't dare tell close friends and family about traveling plans back home to Africa because they're afraid of being harmed either physically or by black magic. Another example is a friend (who lives in Europe) was suspicious that a friend of hers had put black magic in her shoes while she was spending the weekend because she found a powdery substance in them. (She refused to wear them and threw them out on her way home for fear of bringing bad luck into her living space.)


Situations like these sadden me but remind me of the words of Ghandi “Be the change you wish to see.” I personally would not go to such extreme but I am not immune to the influence of having grown up in an environment where negative attitudes and beliefs are the norm.


This is not to say that negative thinking is always bad. In fact, to the contrary, many Africans strive on negativity. We have the tendency to do very well and survive under stressful and often negative situations. Sometimes anticipating the worst case scenario can help steer us away from problematic circumstances. However, we need to be mindful of how and when to use negative thinking to our advantage and ensure it is not hurting our relationships and chances to get ahead.


As a founder of a relationship-building organization, I get plenty of opportunities to be the change and sometimes I fall short. Once when I received some personal checks, I had worried out loud about the validity of the checks. Another friend who was present and to whom I am so grateful, said, “It's not right to think like that. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure they won't give you a bad check knowingly.” I was ashamed of myself but most importantly, I was reminded to start with the assumption that people have good hearts and good intentions until proven otherwise.


Just like the gardener approaches gardening, one has to have a plan of action and keep on plugging away at it. I have to consciously and continuously work at getting negative thoughts and attitudes out of my system because like the garden, if left alone, the bad stuff (weeds) will overshadow the beauty.

Celebration, Reflection, Thanksgiving

I’ve been fascinated with the new Travel Channel television series Meet the Natives USA. I find it very interesting to watch the reactions and hear the thoughts of individuals from a totally different society and way of life who suddenly find themselves in the middle of a capitalistic, individualistic, materialistic, you name it, lifestyle. It has been just fascinating watching five men from the Island of Tana, “traditional hunters and farmers, used to wearing grass skirts and penis sheaths, have no electricity or TV, and a very limited idea of the world beyond their tiny island,” getting a taste of the American life.

On the other end of the spectrum are the American hosts who are convinced that their lifestyle is the best in the world and are so proud to share it with the natives.

Maybe I enjoy watching the series because I too come from a world very different than where I find myself today and after living here for over 17 years, I continue to have questions about this society’s ‘must haves’ and ‘must dos’. Especially during this time of year when marketing is at its peak and everywhere you turn is a message to buy, buy, buy. It becomes a major challenge to keep the focus on the things that are truly important—faith, people and time. As a parent, the battle is twice (or maybe I should say thrice—for every one of my three children) as hard to deliver the message: it’s not about things, it’s about faith, people and time.

At a recent networking event, one woman expressed a similar sentiment when she said, “…when we come here (U.S.) we get caught up in this American life. Sometimes we don’t even acknowledge each other when we meet because we feel that we don’t know the other person well enough. This is not a value we learned before we came to this country.”

Remember that this time of year is one for celebration, reflection and thanksgiving. I challenge you to take a hard look at your values. Which ones should you hang on to and which ones need to be let go, so that you can fully appreciate the things that are most valuable in life: faith, people and time.

Everything else is just stuff.

Holiday Blessings and Best Wishes for the New Year!