Day Off

I have a day off from work
and there is a long list of things that I could do.

1. Do the pile of dirty laundry
2. Fold the clean clothes and put them away
3. Mob the floors and vacuum the rugs
4. Pick up toys, socks, clothes, shoes, books and straighten up rooms
5. Sort through closets, draws, boxes and give away items to the less fortunate
6. Clean the refrigerator and wash the dishes
7. Scrub the bathrooms
8. Go to the farmers' market and buy ingredients to make a delicious African dish for my family to come home to
9. Read and sort the mail and pay bills
10. Go running and catch up on my exercise
11. Sew and put up curtains in the dinning room
12. Update my social networking sites and read my emails
13. Call family and friends in distant lands and different time zones
14. Shop for new furniture
15. Catch up on weeding the garden and watering the pants
16. Get a head-start on the book that has been lurking inside my head for a couple of years
17. Look up a plumber to fix the slow drain and leaking faucet
18. Shop for a Sunday clothes for the children
19. Shop for a blue professional suit that I really need
20. Make a list and go grocery shopping
21. Put the bulletin boards and wall decorations up in the children's rooms
22. Write up the minutes and finish the newsletter for my women's club
23. Call the pstor to start working on the PowerPoint document for Sunday's church service
24. Take out my braids while watching a movie or two
25. Go window shopping at the mall
26. Call my husband to meet-up for lunch
27. Catch up on reading my library books that are coming due very soon
28. Write an entry for my blog
29. Go back to bed and catch up on my beauty rest

But none of my long list of things sounds appealing to me
so instead...


I will put on my walking shoes
and go for a long walk in the woods
where it is quiet and the energy of nature is awesome.


There, I will listen to the birds sing and the streams run
watch the trees and plants dance in the wind
and little creatures dash in and out of tall grasses.


There, I will sit on my favorite big rock
slip off my shoes and dip my feet in the cool running stream
and relish the peace and quiet---one of my very favorite things to do.


After all, that's what days off are for
doing your very favorite things.

Plug Away the Bad and Ugly so that the Beauty will Shine Through

A beautiful garden doesn't just happen out of nowhere, it takes a diligent gardener working to keep it that way throughout the growing season. That means visiting the garden often, staying on top of weeding, feeding or fertilizing, pruning, watering and doing all the things required to keep it beautiful. Once the hard work is done, the gardener and everyone in sight of the garden can then enjoy its beauty.


The same is true for developing positive attitude and beliefs about oneself and toward others, something I continue to work at. Giving people the benefit of the doubt and trusting that they are coming from an honest place has been the hardest for me, although I’m gradually making progress. I suspect that my struggle has something to do with having been raised in a culture where everyone's highly suspicious and distrustful.


I know people who wouldn't dare tell close friends and family about traveling plans back home to Africa because they're afraid of being harmed either physically or by black magic. Another example is a friend (who lives in Europe) was suspicious that a friend of hers had put black magic in her shoes while she was spending the weekend because she found a powdery substance in them. (She refused to wear them and threw them out on her way home for fear of bringing bad luck into her living space.)


Situations like these sadden me but remind me of the words of Ghandi “Be the change you wish to see.” I personally would not go to such extreme but I am not immune to the influence of having grown up in an environment where negative attitudes and beliefs are the norm.


This is not to say that negative thinking is always bad. In fact, to the contrary, many Africans strive on negativity. We have the tendency to do very well and survive under stressful and often negative situations. Sometimes anticipating the worst case scenario can help steer us away from problematic circumstances. However, we need to be mindful of how and when to use negative thinking to our advantage and ensure it is not hurting our relationships and chances to get ahead.


As a founder of a relationship-building organization, I get plenty of opportunities to be the change and sometimes I fall short. Once when I received some personal checks, I had worried out loud about the validity of the checks. Another friend who was present and to whom I am so grateful, said, “It's not right to think like that. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure they won't give you a bad check knowingly.” I was ashamed of myself but most importantly, I was reminded to start with the assumption that people have good hearts and good intentions until proven otherwise.


Just like the gardener approaches gardening, one has to have a plan of action and keep on plugging away at it. I have to consciously and continuously work at getting negative thoughts and attitudes out of my system because like the garden, if left alone, the bad stuff (weeds) will overshadow the beauty.