Women: Get in the habit of striking conversation with other women

Having missed several communication education swimming class sessions for my kids (we’ve been busy with other sporting activities), I couldn’t help but notice the increase in the number of families of color participating this summer. I’m delighted, considering the reports of the growing rate of children who are drowning due to a lack of water safety and/or swimming skills.

The second thing that came to my mind, of course, was the opportunity to connect with new people and expand my network. When I noticed a woman sitting alone within earshot of me, I seized the opportunity to connect. “Which of the kids is yours?” I asked. That question has led to a budding relationship with an awesome individual. We’ve exchanged some useful information and I can see perhaps a get-together of some sort in our future (when the time is right). I have my eyes on a couple of other women who I hope to get a chance to meet before the session is over.

I consider my “swimming class connection” a success but I’ve also learned over the years that striking up conversations with other women is not always easy. One thing that comes up at AWC meetings time and time again is the feeling that women are often unapproachable.
Some of the things that have been noted are a cool or irate attitude, avoiding eye contact and providing close-ended answers when asked a question.

It won’t be fair if I fail to acknowledge that some of us lack the communications skills needed to carry out friendly and respectful conversations as well. I have plenty of examples where I’ve been asked inappropriate or embarrassing questions by friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. Many childhood friends I meet feel that it’s okay for them to elaborate on my weight gain (after 3 kids and years of aging—give me a break!) Other times I’ve been asked (at inappropriate intervals) my marriage status, my family expansion plans, my educational background and even my husband’s opinion of my community involvement activities (mind you they don’t even know who the man is).

Some just give up after several failed attempts to connect with other women. That is unfortunate because it is really hurting us on different levels: our ability to expand our network; our ability to grow personally and professionally; our ability to share meaningful information; our ability to work together and build a stronger community.

It helps to have good communication skills in order to be successful when meeting new people. This is very important: focus on having a light, pleasant conversation about general topics and avoid the heavy duty, personal stuff that drives many women away. Talk a little, listen a lot, be respectful, be mindful of body language, and ensure participation is balanced.

So what should we do to address this problem? I suggest we all, individually, start by examining our own habits when it comes to meeting and reaching out to other women. Are you one of those who got discouraged and have stopped trying? Have you not pay much attention and need to make an effort in reaching out? Do you need to change your attitude to be more approachable and friendly?

We must all do our part to set the stage for better communication and relationship-building. Next time you find yourself in close proximity to another woman, make eye contact, smile and say hello. If the situation calls for it, introduce yourself and try to make small talk. Be ready to go with the flow—good or bad. If bad, don’t take it personally, keep on trying.