Women: Get in the habit of striking conversation with other women

Having missed several communication education swimming class sessions for my kids (we’ve been busy with other sporting activities), I couldn’t help but notice the increase in the number of families of color participating this summer. I’m delighted, considering the reports of the growing rate of children who are drowning due to a lack of water safety and/or swimming skills.

The second thing that came to my mind, of course, was the opportunity to connect with new people and expand my network. When I noticed a woman sitting alone within earshot of me, I seized the opportunity to connect. “Which of the kids is yours?” I asked. That question has led to a budding relationship with an awesome individual. We’ve exchanged some useful information and I can see perhaps a get-together of some sort in our future (when the time is right). I have my eyes on a couple of other women who I hope to get a chance to meet before the session is over.

I consider my “swimming class connection” a success but I’ve also learned over the years that striking up conversations with other women is not always easy. One thing that comes up at AWC meetings time and time again is the feeling that women are often unapproachable.
Some of the things that have been noted are a cool or irate attitude, avoiding eye contact and providing close-ended answers when asked a question.

It won’t be fair if I fail to acknowledge that some of us lack the communications skills needed to carry out friendly and respectful conversations as well. I have plenty of examples where I’ve been asked inappropriate or embarrassing questions by friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. Many childhood friends I meet feel that it’s okay for them to elaborate on my weight gain (after 3 kids and years of aging—give me a break!) Other times I’ve been asked (at inappropriate intervals) my marriage status, my family expansion plans, my educational background and even my husband’s opinion of my community involvement activities (mind you they don’t even know who the man is).

Some just give up after several failed attempts to connect with other women. That is unfortunate because it is really hurting us on different levels: our ability to expand our network; our ability to grow personally and professionally; our ability to share meaningful information; our ability to work together and build a stronger community.

It helps to have good communication skills in order to be successful when meeting new people. This is very important: focus on having a light, pleasant conversation about general topics and avoid the heavy duty, personal stuff that drives many women away. Talk a little, listen a lot, be respectful, be mindful of body language, and ensure participation is balanced.

So what should we do to address this problem? I suggest we all, individually, start by examining our own habits when it comes to meeting and reaching out to other women. Are you one of those who got discouraged and have stopped trying? Have you not pay much attention and need to make an effort in reaching out? Do you need to change your attitude to be more approachable and friendly?

We must all do our part to set the stage for better communication and relationship-building. Next time you find yourself in close proximity to another woman, make eye contact, smile and say hello. If the situation calls for it, introduce yourself and try to make small talk. Be ready to go with the flow—good or bad. If bad, don’t take it personally, keep on trying.

Clothesline Flashback

It’s amazing how certain objects or experiences evoke memories that take us back in time unexpectedly. Every summer the clotheslines in my backyard take me back to my growing up years in Yekepa, Liberia.

In 2003, when we were looking to buy our home, it was exciting, hectic, draining, scary, and a host of mixed emotions, all at the same time. After looking at about a dozen houses and starting to detect anxious look on our realtor’s face that translated to “you’re taking too much of my time—I could have sold more houses by now”, we walked into our current home. It wasn’t spectacular or had everything we wanted but it felt right---you just know when it happens. We went outside to check out the yard and there, standing partially under a maple tree, were a pair of t-shaped clothesline poles.

At that very moment, I had flashbacks of my childhood---washing clothes and hanging them up on the clothesline to dry (according to mom’s specifications), sometimes discovering dirt on the clothes from passersby holding the clothes aside in order to make their way through our yard, sometimes finding clothing items in the neighbor’s yard blown there by the wind and making sure to take them in at the end of the day or when it was about to rain.

The clothesline was also a gathering place for kids in neighborhood. We often used the poles for makeshift swing and took turns swinging. There were times when we got in trouble with our parents for either bending a pole or breaking it from the weight of our swinging.

It probably sounds funny but I saw those poles as a sign that that particular house was to be my home and I couldn’t wait for summer, to relive the experience of using Mother Nature to dry my clothes once again.

Today, having the clotheslines allow us to save on energy (not running the dryer 24/7) and gives me the opportunity to share stories from my childhood with my children. The kids are creating their own clothesline memories: a couple of years ago, my son broke his arm swinging from the pole and sometime ago, one of my nieces came over while I was hanging up some clothes and she said, “Aunty Rita, I didn’t know you could hang clothes outside.” Imagine that.

These days, it’s the little things that bring me joy. Hanging clothes outside to dry is one of those things. I can only hope that in the process, we are also creating lasting memories so that the children can someday, in the far future, have wonderful clothesline flashbacks too.

What objects or experiences have taken you back in time?

Back to the Soil

Two years ago I convinced my husband to create a somewhat large garden in our backyard. It was a huge project that ended up being very costly but, like every project I tackle, I had an end result in mind and that kept me going with it.

Today, the garden is a pride and joy for our family, neighbors and friends. I call it my backyard retreat. My husband calls it his "farm." We grow both vegetables and flowers in the garden; there is a sitting area and the kids love the feel of the tiny, smooth rocks we used for the pathways. We still have a ways to go before it's all done--actually, I think it will always be a work in progress.

Believe it or not, I'm a new gardener and never tended to a garden before the one I have now but it has been so much fun and full of new experiences.

It's interesting how the garden has been a gift for our family--it is something we can work on together, talk about, be proud of, fuss over, etc.

I hope you have special things planned to do with the ones you love this summer.

Enjoy and don't forget to stop and experience nature.