Celebration, Reflection, Thanksgiving

I’ve been fascinated with the new Travel Channel television series Meet the Natives USA. I find it very interesting to watch the reactions and hear the thoughts of individuals from a totally different society and way of life who suddenly find themselves in the middle of a capitalistic, individualistic, materialistic, you name it, lifestyle. It has been just fascinating watching five men from the Island of Tana, “traditional hunters and farmers, used to wearing grass skirts and penis sheaths, have no electricity or TV, and a very limited idea of the world beyond their tiny island,” getting a taste of the American life.

On the other end of the spectrum are the American hosts who are convinced that their lifestyle is the best in the world and are so proud to share it with the natives.

Maybe I enjoy watching the series because I too come from a world very different than where I find myself today and after living here for over 17 years, I continue to have questions about this society’s ‘must haves’ and ‘must dos’. Especially during this time of year when marketing is at its peak and everywhere you turn is a message to buy, buy, buy. It becomes a major challenge to keep the focus on the things that are truly important—faith, people and time. As a parent, the battle is twice (or maybe I should say thrice—for every one of my three children) as hard to deliver the message: it’s not about things, it’s about faith, people and time.

At a recent networking event, one woman expressed a similar sentiment when she said, “…when we come here (U.S.) we get caught up in this American life. Sometimes we don’t even acknowledge each other when we meet because we feel that we don’t know the other person well enough. This is not a value we learned before we came to this country.”

Remember that this time of year is one for celebration, reflection and thanksgiving. I challenge you to take a hard look at your values. Which ones should you hang on to and which ones need to be let go, so that you can fully appreciate the things that are most valuable in life: faith, people and time.

Everything else is just stuff.

Holiday Blessings and Best Wishes for the New Year!

Change with the Season

Can't believe it's fall already! However, I'm settling in to the change in weather.

I love changing home decor to match the weather. About a week ago I got rid of the summer look and got out my fall things. Hanging and sitting flower pots were taken away from the entryway and the porch to the garden, tucked away in a corner to gracefully loose their beauty--aww--sad. Pumpkins and fall foliage and autumn welcome greetings now beckons visitors and passers-by. Inside our home is more fall foliage and colors and scents to set the mood of the season.

Where do you get the energy to keep up with all this? That's the question I get all the time. My answer--doing that kind of stuff fuels my energy and brings me joy. In addition, most of the items are recycled from years before so there's no burden on my purse strings at all. And best of all, my house is not the dullest on the block. It looks lived in and, in a way, it tells the story of residents who enjoy and value their home.

Hope you're doing what brings you joy to usher in the change in season!

Know Your Brand

Your friends are throwing an important party and your invitation has a time that's one hour earlier than other people's. What does that say about you? You are very particular about doing your hair and only wants the best the craft has to offer but you're finding it harder and harder to find a willing hairstylist to do the job. What could that mean? Babysitters are giving you excuses to no have to take your hard-earned money no matter what. Makes you wonder? A group of your co-workers are getting together for lunch and you're not asked to join in on the fun. Why is that?

Like it or not, everyone has a brand. Your appearance, actions and communication paint a picture of who you are to the world around you. It is your responsibility to determine what others perception is of you and more importantly, it's your responsibility to manage those perceptions.

It's not so easy to be honest about our own actions so elicit some trusted friends and family who can give you an honest opinion of how you often come across or what they've heard others say about you on the sly. Promise not to hold it against them.

Don't believe everything you hear—dig deeper to get a better picture. For example, if one particular person thinks you're an a—hole because you set them straight about something they had no business budding in, that's not necessarily a bad thing. The strategy of how you handle it may not have been the best option but setting them straight was probably the best way to go. After all, a value could be a no nonsense person—there's nothing wrong with that if it fits into your brand strategy.

It can be tough to hear the bad things about you but remember that the purpose of the exercise is to brand yourself in the positive way for personally and professional success. It's also important to pay attention to the good things said about you and pat yourself on the back for things you're doing well.

Reset your brand by taking an inventory (make sure to write it down) of your values, the things that make you unique among your peers, decide what you want to be known for, and to whom you want to market your brand. The next step will be to create a statement of your personal brand and the last step will be to articulate it and live it everyday.

Go on, get started today.

Women: Get in the habit of striking conversation with other women

Having missed several communication education swimming class sessions for my kids (we’ve been busy with other sporting activities), I couldn’t help but notice the increase in the number of families of color participating this summer. I’m delighted, considering the reports of the growing rate of children who are drowning due to a lack of water safety and/or swimming skills.

The second thing that came to my mind, of course, was the opportunity to connect with new people and expand my network. When I noticed a woman sitting alone within earshot of me, I seized the opportunity to connect. “Which of the kids is yours?” I asked. That question has led to a budding relationship with an awesome individual. We’ve exchanged some useful information and I can see perhaps a get-together of some sort in our future (when the time is right). I have my eyes on a couple of other women who I hope to get a chance to meet before the session is over.

I consider my “swimming class connection” a success but I’ve also learned over the years that striking up conversations with other women is not always easy. One thing that comes up at AWC meetings time and time again is the feeling that women are often unapproachable.
Some of the things that have been noted are a cool or irate attitude, avoiding eye contact and providing close-ended answers when asked a question.

It won’t be fair if I fail to acknowledge that some of us lack the communications skills needed to carry out friendly and respectful conversations as well. I have plenty of examples where I’ve been asked inappropriate or embarrassing questions by friends, acquaintances and strangers alike. Many childhood friends I meet feel that it’s okay for them to elaborate on my weight gain (after 3 kids and years of aging—give me a break!) Other times I’ve been asked (at inappropriate intervals) my marriage status, my family expansion plans, my educational background and even my husband’s opinion of my community involvement activities (mind you they don’t even know who the man is).

Some just give up after several failed attempts to connect with other women. That is unfortunate because it is really hurting us on different levels: our ability to expand our network; our ability to grow personally and professionally; our ability to share meaningful information; our ability to work together and build a stronger community.

It helps to have good communication skills in order to be successful when meeting new people. This is very important: focus on having a light, pleasant conversation about general topics and avoid the heavy duty, personal stuff that drives many women away. Talk a little, listen a lot, be respectful, be mindful of body language, and ensure participation is balanced.

So what should we do to address this problem? I suggest we all, individually, start by examining our own habits when it comes to meeting and reaching out to other women. Are you one of those who got discouraged and have stopped trying? Have you not pay much attention and need to make an effort in reaching out? Do you need to change your attitude to be more approachable and friendly?

We must all do our part to set the stage for better communication and relationship-building. Next time you find yourself in close proximity to another woman, make eye contact, smile and say hello. If the situation calls for it, introduce yourself and try to make small talk. Be ready to go with the flow—good or bad. If bad, don’t take it personally, keep on trying.

Clothesline Flashback

It’s amazing how certain objects or experiences evoke memories that take us back in time unexpectedly. Every summer the clotheslines in my backyard take me back to my growing up years in Yekepa, Liberia.

In 2003, when we were looking to buy our home, it was exciting, hectic, draining, scary, and a host of mixed emotions, all at the same time. After looking at about a dozen houses and starting to detect anxious look on our realtor’s face that translated to “you’re taking too much of my time—I could have sold more houses by now”, we walked into our current home. It wasn’t spectacular or had everything we wanted but it felt right---you just know when it happens. We went outside to check out the yard and there, standing partially under a maple tree, were a pair of t-shaped clothesline poles.

At that very moment, I had flashbacks of my childhood---washing clothes and hanging them up on the clothesline to dry (according to mom’s specifications), sometimes discovering dirt on the clothes from passersby holding the clothes aside in order to make their way through our yard, sometimes finding clothing items in the neighbor’s yard blown there by the wind and making sure to take them in at the end of the day or when it was about to rain.

The clothesline was also a gathering place for kids in neighborhood. We often used the poles for makeshift swing and took turns swinging. There were times when we got in trouble with our parents for either bending a pole or breaking it from the weight of our swinging.

It probably sounds funny but I saw those poles as a sign that that particular house was to be my home and I couldn’t wait for summer, to relive the experience of using Mother Nature to dry my clothes once again.

Today, having the clotheslines allow us to save on energy (not running the dryer 24/7) and gives me the opportunity to share stories from my childhood with my children. The kids are creating their own clothesline memories: a couple of years ago, my son broke his arm swinging from the pole and sometime ago, one of my nieces came over while I was hanging up some clothes and she said, “Aunty Rita, I didn’t know you could hang clothes outside.” Imagine that.

These days, it’s the little things that bring me joy. Hanging clothes outside to dry is one of those things. I can only hope that in the process, we are also creating lasting memories so that the children can someday, in the far future, have wonderful clothesline flashbacks too.

What objects or experiences have taken you back in time?

10 Things We Can Learn From Michelle Obama

I'm a huge fan of Michelle Obama—I bet no surprise there. Anyhow, when I saw the June 1, 2009 issue of TIME Magazine with America's first African American First Lady on the cover, I had to get a copy. “The Meaning of Michelle,” proved to be like many other write ups about the first lady that try to get inside her head and take a best guess at what she means when she speaks.

Apart from her rocky start when she first joined her husband on the campaign trail during his run for president, the first lady has been pretty consistent in her words and deeds. Here are ten things that are true to who she is and what she believes:

1. Be yourself
The beautiful thing about Mrs. Obama is that it is plain to see that she is comfortable in her own skin and is not trying to be anyone else. Sure she now has to watch what she says but there's nothing fake about what she says or how she acts. She believes that a key to success is knowing who you are and going after what YOU define as success.

2. Let go of expectations/preconceived notions
She has said time and time again that she never dreamed of becoming the first lady of the United States someday, unlike many wives of mainstream politicians. This comes a bit easier because she had no idea what to expect nor did she pay close attention to previous occupants of the White House.

3. Be open to new things
Because she never dreamed that she would ever become first lady, Mrs. Obama is allowing herself to be open for whatever comes with the territory. In the beginning when her husband chose to become a public servant, she had a difficult time with it but at some point she decided to stop wishing they would have the normal family life she dreamed of. She accepted life as it was and moved on to making the best of it, just as she's doing now as first lady.

4. Work hard to achieve your goals
Everyone who either knows her well or has worked with her knows that Michelle is a hard worker—she gives everything 110%. In fact, not everyone appreciates her work ethics. She's hard on herself and tends to hold others to her high standards as well. She can be a driver that way.

5. Give back to the community
Although she has been blessed with a great education and wonderful opportunities, she never looses sight of where she came from and of those struggling around her. She left a lucrative corporate position to work in the public sector where she was able to work with disadvantaged individuals. She speaks often about the importance to volunteer and has been out and about in the Washington D.C. neighborhood doing just that.

6. Find work that's meaningful to you
Some scolded her and thought she was a fool for leaving corporate but she wanted the kind of work that she felt was more meaningful to her. Being of service to people and being a part of change is meaningful to Mrs. Obama and that's how she plans to spend her years in the White House.

7. Build and maintain a network of support
She has said this many times and the media has confirmed that she brought her closest friends and confidantes with her to Washington. She is a loyal friend, appreciates and rewards loyalty and believes in the “paying it forward” concept as well.

8. Make your own rules
When it feels good and comfortable, she goes with it. She's not one to try and fit a round peg in a square hole. She is doing things that none of her predecessors have done and is not bothered by so-called experts and historians—she's making her own history.

9. Wear what you like
There's the story about her trip to England to meet the Queen. A well-known fashion designer claimed that it was a disaster that Michelle chose to wear a sweater top because 'nobody wears that to meet the Queen'. Guess what? She did wear a sweater top and caused a media frenzy and everybody loved it. She's confident about who she is and the way she looks and feels. Once she dresses, all that comes through—fabulosity.

10. Have a blast every chance you get
The TIME article mentioned that 'she looks like she's having a good time'. She works hard but also knows how to party. Life is short. You know what they say—all work and no play... And I hear that she got the moves too!

Back to the Soil

Two years ago I convinced my husband to create a somewhat large garden in our backyard. It was a huge project that ended up being very costly but, like every project I tackle, I had an end result in mind and that kept me going with it.

Today, the garden is a pride and joy for our family, neighbors and friends. I call it my backyard retreat. My husband calls it his "farm." We grow both vegetables and flowers in the garden; there is a sitting area and the kids love the feel of the tiny, smooth rocks we used for the pathways. We still have a ways to go before it's all done--actually, I think it will always be a work in progress.

Believe it or not, I'm a new gardener and never tended to a garden before the one I have now but it has been so much fun and full of new experiences.

It's interesting how the garden has been a gift for our family--it is something we can work on together, talk about, be proud of, fuss over, etc.

I hope you have special things planned to do with the ones you love this summer.

Enjoy and don't forget to stop and experience nature.